Goffy’s serves a variety of regular sandwiches, salads and breakfasts as well as the more unexpected Yorkshire pudding wraps filled with meat and mashed potato with a side of dipping gravy. I’d have given them a go but it was too early in the day for mash, and once someone starts down that road they’re on a slippery slope to eating cereal at teatime like some kind of anarchist.
I ordered a crispy bacon sandwich with brown sauce for £3 and a chicken mega box for one at £8.45. I thought £8.45 was a bit steep for just one person with no drink included, but the amount of food in the box could have fed two people, making it a good deal. It consisted of a chicken burger, two chicken strips, a salt and pepper chicken wrap, chips and three dips. I chose peri-peri, garlic mayo and sweet chilli sauce.
As we mentioned that we were taking the food home to eat, one of the friendly ladies serving kindly offered to wrap the box in tinfoil to keep it warm.
I ate my bacon sandwich first to maintain the natural order of things and ensure that the universe didn’t fold in on itself.
In the meantime my tiny but infinite 74-year-old mother Yvonne, who’d already eaten the population of a poorly defended village at 6am, waded straight into the box like the ‘mega’ in its name stood for Megalodon.
I had to distract her with a badly folded blanket just to get a look in at the chips, which were decent. We cut the burger in half after I checked that the chicken wasn’t all on her side, because I’ve been stung by that one before. The meat was a fair bit smaller than the bun, but that was fine because the buns were really teacakes bordering on a Geordie stottie in size. It definitely wasn’t a bread roll, but anyone who feels strongly about that is welcome to make their case in the comments below, if they can refrain from issuing death threats.
The chicken contained in the bun was a breadcrummed piece of breast lying on a basic but perky bit of salad. Good, but much improved when I spread the peri peri dip on it. The chips were chunky and crisp, the strips were longer skinnier versions of the chicken patties and were allocated the sweet chilli dip.
The salt and pepper chicken wrap was my favourite item in the megabox. Plenty of chicken seasoned with a little salt and chilli and stir fried with peppers. It could have taken more of the spicy seasoning on it, but it was easy enough to add salt and pepper at home. I’d recommend that anyone who likes an oomph of spice asks for more when it’s being prepared. I also brought the garlic mayo into the mix which took the wrap from good to great.
My bacon sandwich held a decent amount of bacon that had been cooked as requested and served on soft white sliced bread. I’d have liked the option to have it on a teacake or a baguette, so next time I’ll ask if that’s possible.
The meat seemed to be of decent quality, and it was good to get chicken that didn’t look and taste like it’s been beamed by a shonky teleportation machine into a deep fat fryer via several radioactive planets, involuntarily merging with numerous outraged life forms on the way.
I was apprehensive about visiting Goffy’s as – despite a good score on JustEat – it has just 2.7 stars out of five on a search engine’s review page. However, there are only six reviews and the one star scores seem harsh when you read the accompanying comments, such as:
“Overpriced and when I asked about the cup of tea that came with my breakfast I was told to wait as they were busy. Avoid at all costs.”
One star for a tardy tea. And an “avoid at all costs” warning like a takeaway from Goffy’s was as perilous as a game of Jumanji.
How was the one star reviewer’s breakfast? Did the sausage turn out to be a 60 foot anaconda, seething because it woke up to find itself wearing a black pudding like a jauntily angled beret?
Sadly, it looks likely to remain one of Preston’s least gripping unsolved mysteries. Until then, try Goffy’s if you’re in the area and fancy your chances against a swarm of killer mushrooms.
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